i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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