Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
