You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
they need to just BURY HIM!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
