shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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