So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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