found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
