My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
