I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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