Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
