Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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