Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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