upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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