So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
