brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
