you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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