Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
