just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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