...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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