You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
