That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
