Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
