True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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