If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
