i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
