Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
