I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
