i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
