brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
