Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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