At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
