Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this just has baby written all over it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
