Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
