remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
