He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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