Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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