I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
