OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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