That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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