the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
