Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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