I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
