i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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