That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
