who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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