Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
