Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize