census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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