Nicole vs. Life
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
