Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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