I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
