3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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