i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
